Cue Wild Life

And i'm not just talking about those mountain goats~  Arriving in Prince George we were surprised (and maybe not so surprised) to find just as many different "animal types" (tehe) living/sharing our motel space with us.  Tree planters are of a different breed and among the expected dread locks, plethora of ugly sweaters, and Birkenstocks were the not so expected jugglers, juggling flaming batons and unicycle riding in the motel parking lot.  We have truly seen Prince George's best wild life attractions (and or circus folk? we are not so sure).  Here is a picture of some of our new friends and crew members lazing on the tarmac watching the circus happening outside the motel.




Spotted.  Tree planting types filling up 'piss packs' at the local watering hole/dirty stream off the side of the highway.  (Yes, these are their actual names, and my apologies for the profanity...lord knows there is much more where that came from...) 'Piss packs' are used for putting out forest fires.)  - no joke.
                           

Today is day 3 of planting and although I am a bit more cheery, today was a tricky day.  Wee confession, I am currently sitting in a second cup taking a much needed quit time, waiting for Cait to bring Matt home from the airport).  Its amazing what hot tea in my little paws in a real (not paper) cup does for the heart.  Alas, here's a little glimpse of this silly little day.

Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  Today my shovel sings out many times, hundreds of times, hopefully tomorrow thousands of times (groan) throughout this day as I hit hidden rocks, frozen ground and sneaky root systems stretching wide below a ground blanketed with mossy.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp.  These little sneakers are my earthy enemies masked under a graveyard of old rotting logs and littered stone.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  Pain creeps up my forearm and I growl (actually), as my streams of thought become conscious, I am wakened from far off places of the most depressing kind, a wallowing of should have’s and could have’s, which I am quite content bathing in at the moment.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  Today is a day which looms long, and although the sun is beautiful, I disregard it’s gentle hello because it is much easier to cloud over God’s goodness with the fact that muscles I never knew within my body scream profanities in my direction.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  The earth smells sweet of moss and deep dark soil and my watch reminds me that it’s only 10:30am.  Gah! How can it only be 10:30am!  Is this really my life for 3 whole months! Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  It is in this moment in the middle of a field, I reprimand myself for thinking that tree planting was similar to riding a bicycle because oh gash OH GASH, it is not (not sure yet what its is like yet...).  but what a bummer.   I wrestle with this false expectation all day today and I wrestle it good until I realize that the stealthy enemies below the soil who have made this day all the more difficult are also those who surly hold my feet firm.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp .  So I give thanks (groan) Shovel, screef, tree, stomp.  and I scrounge deep to see blessings among sore feet and tired arms and what musters from the bowls of my soul, deeper than any rooted tree is the depth of God’s grace as he loves me up and down.  I cannot avoid this redemption given so freely, in this day, in this moment alone, breathing through these hands and then heart.   Oh growing pains, thankyou lord, even for those.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp.  And we will turn this ugly land beautiful.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp.  Shovel, screef, tree, stomp.  

Tomorrow Day 4.  Bring it!

  

Cue Mountains

These little snapshots were taken on our adventure from Edmonton through Jasper all the way to Prince George.  I cannot tell you how exciting this was to see wild animals unbridled, no fences no nothing, just being.  And we got sooo close to these little cutties too.  Among the mountain goats we also saw a lot of deer, possibly the backside of a moose (in a ditch) and it is up for debate but we think either saw a silver fox or a wolf.  This little billy walked right across the road behind our trailer.  bahhhhh.

 These little guys were just chillin by the side of the road...nbd

Magical.

Pop Rock Well wishes

Notice our sleepy passenger in the back! tehe

Wombmate Hospitality

My sister Maggie is one of those special people that makes life all the more sweet.  She is kind and thoughtful giving so freely and joyfully to whom ever is in need.  She is one of those people that are life giving, and you cannot help but breath in glimpses of heaven when you are in her presence.  Maggie inspires me to practice radical generosity she so humbly weaves into her daily life.  I think I won the jackpot when it comes to sisters.  I woke up to this glorious sunlight on Saturday morning, and it was such a treat to snuggle up to my sister and gab about life and all things good.  

On to PG.

Glory Days

Alas! We have arrived in Edmonton! Eeeep!  And today is our day of rest after 4 days of driving.    Today we will have baths, we will read, we will eat and probably sneak in another shower, lounge and rest and lounge and read some more.  Tomorrow is another long drive, and then we work.  5 days on, one day off (repeat).  I thought since I've been capturing moments along the way, I will share from the beginning....

Here is us celebrating after a battle of wills, with a stubborn pair of rusted old screws, holding hostage a licence plate imperative for our trailer's drive back home from Penetanguishene.  Little did we know in this picture that we would meet our first (of many) mother trucker of hills.  So what does any rookie standard driver, sans experience do while confronting a steep incline you ask?  Well, you reverse into a smallish ditch, you crank the wheel and then you roll the heck back down the hill, swearing to avoid all hills from that day forth.    

Enter, Peniel. Or 'Penny' for short.  She's a beaut.  And she is our pre-loved summer home.  'Peniel' means 'face of God'.  And while this old girl rested outside for many years, she will actually be our saving grace on this trip, as it means we do not have to sleep in a tent for three whole months!  eeep!  When we opened her up for the first time though, I may or may not have doubted her potential as she had a lot of holes and needed repairs.  With many gracious hands, we wrestled with her walls till she had no choice but to be a blessing and mighty home!  Sewing holy holes anew, repairing tricky door locks, ripped screens and scrubbing molded vinyl squeaky clean, Penny has been restored with much much love.  When we look at Penny she will truly beam the face of God because she has been made new by the body of Christ (which is you kind friends), so thanks for being part of a holy restoration!  

I also looked up where Peniel comes from, and for those that are curious, look through Gen 30:32.  Peniel is the name Jacob gives the place where he wrestles with the Lord, unwilling to let him go until the Lord blesses Jacob.  He names this spot of transformation and blessing 'Peniel' because it is where he "saw God face to face".  My prayer for this adventure is that we encounter Christ in all things, face to face, eyes open, determined to see and know all of God's blessings.

Day 1 blessings:  Firstly, our friends came early in the morning to send us off on our way.  This entailed gifts of 90 hand sewn cutie envelopes with letters for each day we are gone (Goodness knows we are loved muchly!). Cait hand wrote ALL of our driving directions!  What a dedicated driving companion!  Upon our arrival at the boarder, we realized (or should i say Cait realized) that my passport  was expired!  Three cars away from border patrol, we actually thought we'd had to turn around and go home, but by the grace of God alone, our guard was more concerned with the fruit we had in the car (4 apples...tehe) and needless to say we crossed the border just fine.  After that....easy breazy!  Welcome Cait and Jussie to America!                                                                                                

Later that evening when we got to Chicago, we ate at the all American, Denny's (whoot whoot) which was an exciting first for me!  Denny's taught us two main things.  That the fine people from Illinois don't eat plum sauce with chicken fingers (wtf?) and even more shockingly don't even know what plum sauce was! *Gasp* aaaand secondly, they got it bad for bacon!  Needless to say, we did not indulge.

Day 2:  Who knew driving could be so fun!

 Day 3.  Enter Rob, our fellow road tripper extroardinaire and crew member.  

                                          

The prairies are something one must definitely see in a lifetime.   So so beautiful.  Rolling through this part of Canada was one of my favourite parts, we sang loud, we talked passionately and we were treated to one of our fav radio program's with Jian!  On this particular day, he spoke about all the chaos happening in the news as of late...majority governments, a death of a political figure, exciting hockey games blah blah blah.  His point was, that he felt over burdened with news, that the airwaves were completely saturated with information and that he just wanted and needed to slow down and take a breadth and give people a gift of silence for a change.   And then he did just that. he took a long, silent and beautiful breadth on national radio and it was glorious.

Looking out over the prairies, listening to beautiful silence was so fitting because to me the prairies seem almost like a visual breath.  The prairies are the absence of everything chaotic with it's vast and open spaces and empty roads that go for miles and miles.  It's in the nothingness of the prairies that make them so grand, and breathing in all this openness was surly a gift of God's abiding glory.

You can never take too many pictures of God's glory.  Don't worry Steve, these ones are sans colour correction :) 

                            

    

   

And this brings us to where I am now.  Plunked on the floor, enjoying this peaceful day.  Love you all, onward and upward and to Prince George we go!  85 days left.

La La La Freedom!

So I realize I don’t write on this blog very often, or really, at all… actually J  sigh…

But today is the day where a certain sub section of excuses I love using are no longer valid.   Because today friends, marks my first official day of not being a student! Eeep!  This means I will soon (sadly) become just another one of those suckers out there in the ‘real world’ doing that thing called working?  Eeesh.  Fortunately, I found a loop hole in the system! and am prolonging this whole entry into the ‘working world’ by hiding away in the boreal forests of BC and Alberta starting May.  This is all to say that I have a whole month of doing nothing but sitting around in my underwear all day writing, reading, playing music!  Weeee!  

So if you will allow me to percolate in this moment long enough to put some thoughts together, I will be back sooner than later. (although, this is not a promise, but I will make a valiant effort) ha! 

Words are second best.

A little while ago, I had this strange dream where I could feel what it was, that made a music note a note.  And its this foggy and unsatisfying dream because I can never really get down to what it means to be each particular note, but I could really feel it, and it was so peaceful.  But if you asked me to explain it, (as you can see...), I just don't have the right words.  It was just, beautiful, and I felt so intimately connected to whatever this essence was, I felt known by just being aware of this thing, or feeling, or essence of what ever was behind or beyond these notes.  But in truth, it was all a bit lonely because i couldn't share this experience with anyone.

While most people have cable, I have bunny ears, and therefore by default, I chose was forced to watch 'So you think you can Dance' one night while I did some pre-school paperwork.  There was this one dance though, that kept pulling me away from my thrilling OSAP form because this couple was just so good at expressing themselves.  I can remember thinking that it was amazing because they weren't using words, but somehow they articulated these big feelings.  So, I just sat there glued, completely distracted, totally connected and moved by these two dancers simply because I think they were sharing a bit of their souls with me, and millions of other lucky cable TV viewers.  

I love watching people living out their passion.  And beyond entertainment value, I think watching someone in the midst of expressing themselves through their passion is like watching little holy moments because when we express ourselves in the unique ways we are each wired to do so, we are maybe revealing our most authentic selves to each other.  I can remember when I was younger, I could never sing in front of people, because I knew when I sang, it was just too intimate.  I just couldn't fake what came out, and that was terrifying to share.  So, I’d sneak into our piano room, shut these big sliding wooden doors, sit at the piano, and I’d just belt it out, sometimes being moved to tears just from the release I would get from being able to bust out of myself.  I think singing, one of my own passions, really helped me get to know myself better, I've learned a lot about myself by just singing and creating music.  Revealing myself through music is maybe the most intimate space I have ever been in with myself and others.  Its in that space where I can really express the things I just can't articulate on my own, with words.  Words are just not enough sometimes.  And there is a certain release and then satisfaction of knowing that I can bust out whatever is inside of me.  

And its through sharing the creations that bust out of us, whether that be a sculpture, a painting, a dance, a great sports game or a song that becomes so powerful, because we get to understand a part of someone's essence, or maybe we just get to feel it, empathize with it.  I think as a bystander in these moments, to feel someone's core and maybe you don't even have to feel all of it, or understand it all, or be able to articulate it, but to really feel someone's vulnerabilities and soul, makes our own souls feel more human, more acceptable.  Because maybe we've been there too or felt that loss or hurt, felt that much love or joy.  Maybe we feel such big things when we live out our passions, or are moved when we see someone express themselves through their passion because to be moved, to feel more human means to be see the truest version of ourselves in each other, in our selves.  We are all connected because we were all made out of the same stuff, the same raw existence and love that is deep within our own creator. To be and to see, who we were intended to become is a holy moment because, that is when we see ourselves as the real creations of God, rooted in Christ, without all the bells and whistles.  And just like when you look at a piece of art and see the core of the one who created it, I think we see glimpses of our own creator when we look at ourselves, especially in those moments when we are expressing ourselves whole heartedly.  And maybe we are moved to be more ourselves when we watch someone else do it first, we get that little extra boost of courage, maybe we feel at home, watching someone else in their their mess and vulnerabilities, in their rawness, because that is essentially Christ, seeping through what ever is bursting out.  

We are his best pieces of art, we are extensions of his core, his essence, his soul. And maybe God felt such a BIG love that went way beyond the best word choices or vocabulary.  Maybe in the beginning all there was was feeling, maybe that was the language, maybe all there was, was just existence in its purest form.  There was no need to explain using words because everything was just as it is, pure, and holy.  Maybe all God could do was bust out of himself and create.  Because isn't t the core of God, love?  And isn't love in it's purest of forms relational?  Maybe God couldn't not keep it in, because love exists when it becomes something that is shared, or given among people?  

So maybe passions are birthed from this desire and need to express ourselves and our need to create because we have that same bigness of love, or maybe that same pure existence within us that has to burst out of us too. But in trying to express ourselves, if words are not enough on their own, or simply feeling is not enough either, maybe there is something in this creation part, in the sharing part that comes along with creating, that is the real meat and potatoes in expressing ourself.  Where we feel most human, where we feel most expressed, understood and connected to God.  Because if God is a creator by nature, i'm assuming we are made to do that too.  It might possibly be too that we need to create to see our internal thinking, externally of ourselves, to give us some perspective?  Maybe we are wired to express ourselves with a need to create and share what makes us us, because when we share ourselves, or the extensions of ourselves (art, music, dance etc) we share Christ.  Feeling something alone, even something as silly as a dream, can be so frustrating because its way more satisfying to share our thoughts and experiences with others.  And maybe that’s why God had to bust out of himself, because he just couldn't keep himself to himself.  And maybe what ever is in us, which is in Christ isn't lived to its full potential unless it can be expressed among people.  

I often think the most beautiful and most moving thing in the world would have been to watch God, amidst his passion, creating us.  It would probably have been too much for us to handle though, too beautiful, to pure maybe.  Most certainly it would have left us speechless.